Helloo there Sendra!

Is thet you .....? ......well this is me---- yes it'tis !

    Listen, you will hef to come over to orr new house in Cherry Velly end try to talk some sense intill orr Torquin.        Herry end I canenot do a thing with him.!

    He has gone end got himself involved with this wee hippy girl end she has fair turned his head,--- NO orr Torquin!! --------- ach, I know it wasn't much of a head to begin with but he's just dryving us ebsolutely bonkers.
    She has gone end got him intill one of them club things thet think the Earth is there morrer, don't ye know!  I'm jus driven till distrection trying till get him till eat sumthin. Would you believe it .....he says thet he won't eat enything thet has a brain or a central heating sistem .......Aha--aha, a no, a noo!! so I spent all efternoon in Morks end Sporks trying till find something that was stupid enough for him till eat,-- don't ye know!

    When we got home, we found all our pine pettio furniture piled up in the front gordon and I wuz ebsolutely mortefied!!    Orr Torquin threw them out and says it is a sin till use wood for enything while them rain forests is adisappearin off the mep. I thought he was talking about Beaver Pork, but apparently it's someplace called South America ,....ye know, where Carmen Meranda came from!--don't ye know.

    Orr Herry went ebsolutely med and grebbed orr Torquin by the throat, but I got orr Herry away before he lost the bap, don't ye know!

    Enneway, Torquin deer sez I, orr pettio furniture came from trees thet were dying  because they'd been growing in Glengormley and had lost the will to live, ach ....sure ye know yourself Sendra, their is a dreft thet comes aff thon mountane thet would cut korn!-- don't ye know.

    Enneyway, I got them both settled down but now I've got this wee hippy girl comin over for tea end I don't know what till give them. Wud ye believe she won't even eat Brussel Sprouts ....in case it robs kebbage of there yung!!

    Hairy says just give them a beg of gress each end leave them till it, but I've been in a penic all day. The last time she called for him, was to go to some dandylion Support Group meeting , end she told me off for wearing perfume end lipstick. She said I was comittin 'nasal feshisim' end demaging the nozone layer. Then she went and tuk the huffs when I axxed hur 'How do ye feel about soap?'

    Well, it was her haircut thet put me off ,don't ye know, she has prectically shaved her head, just like the fet one of the Three Stoogies. I thought it was to get rid of the nits but Torquin says that it's the Shinade O'Konnor look!

    At the same time, she is not a bed looking wee girl, just vary vary intense.
Efter all Sendra, she's from Strenmillis! so I heft to make allowances, don't ye know.

    Well enyway, my Torquin has been badgering me till kerry the pettio furniture to the dump, I cane talk till him in the wurking kitchen because them chairs is made out of iron. You remember I got them at Enderson McAuley's hef off sale? ........ but I am nat goin till put me nice wudden chairs with thon common rubbish, don't ye know.
 

                        Well Sendra, I hef to go and put the teapot on for ye've gone an made me awful thirsty just listening to you!

                        Talk till ye later Sendra.......by by an toodleoo!